Question: Dear MamaCapps, My Mother is very Ill and lives with her sister who is also Ill. As much as I don’t want to I’m going to have to approach her about a nursing home. My brother is against it but he can’t take her either and her doctor says she needs care that we can’t give her. How do I approach her and my brother without seeming like I just want to stick my mom somewhere?
Answer: If your Mother is that Ill and the doctor has recommended a nursing facility then you should really have your Mom and your brother go with you to have the doctor explain to them that she needs that level of care. I have seen families try to care for loved ones who require skilled care. It is difficult on everyone and the patient suffers the most.
There are some really good facilities out there and some not so good. I suggest to make several appointments , and with your brother and Mom, visit them. I could name several good ones but since the one I’m most familiar with is AGAPE, I would suggest to start there. I love their mission statement and the staff. One of which is my daughter. I even suggested it to her for a job and now she loves it. But try visiting several.
You will know you have found the right one when it feels like family. Your Mom didn’t get to her age by being naive. She will know what she needs to do. You and your brother will be much more help to her by being a big part of her life in the facility. There are always things to help out with and she will need you to be her advocate. If the doctor says that she needs care that you can’t give her you should take that seriously.
Also you may ask the doctor about in home care. She may be too ill for that but it is something to discuss with him. I would explain to your brother that you both want your Mothers last years to be active yet injury,pain and stress free. Sometimes this, though difficult, is the kindest and most loving of things you could do for her. Just be sure to be an active part of all that the facility offers. She is their patient but she is your MOM...MamaC
Posted at: 8:49 pm
Written By : MamaCapps
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