- Question: MamaCapps, My name is M______ and I just wanted to tell you that I wait with anticipation for each post you do and wonder how you will answer this one. You have such an insight like I haven;t seen and the practical advice you give with your humor is refreshing and right on point. It’s like I can still hear my own Mom talking though she has long since been gone from this world. I don’t have a family or children and I notice that most of your advice is about families or to women. I am a 41 year old man who spends all of my time on the computer or playing video games. When I’m not at work that is. I work in a retail store that sells computers. I have no life outside of work and this apartment. I have very few friends anymore. They have all married and settled down with kids. I am shy with women and I think most of them just want to take us men for a ride anyway. I’m not one of those nerdie kind of guys really, I’m just a regular guy that has somehow gotten in a rut I think. With my friends all married I quit going out and have found myself more and more alone. Sick huh? I want to get out more but I don’t like the bar scene and I freeze up when I try to talk to a woman. I’m not gay but my friends and coworkers are starting to hint that they think I might be. I just haven’t been ready until now. But now I don’t know how to start. I’m too old now to start the dating college students and the women my age already have kids. I know that if I don’t do something now I’ll be 50 and still right here in front of this computer. Any advice for us old guy’s?
- Answer: No fear M___ I’m sure your mother would be proud. There is no law that says you have to have a family by a certain age son. However it sounds to me like you have voluntarily become somewhat of a hermit and that is not healthy. I am of the belief though that the right person will find you when you are ready and put yourself out there. You don’t have to do the bar thingy to find her. Who told you that anyway? LOL I’m sure there are women out there that don’t already have kids ( If that is what you prefer) I can tell you this though, none of them are going to jump out of that computer or video game and say surprise !You have to get out there and let people know that your available. As far as being shy, I think that’s a comfort zone that you’ve created for yourself. I would suggest that you join a social group at a church , a gym ,a community center whatever. Get your butt out there! Your ready and she’s out there . You’ve got to find her. There are matchmaking sites but I would not go there first. The first thing I would like for you to do is to start smiling at every woman you see. Even the ones with kids and grandmothers, LOL. Get out of your shell a little and say hello to a few. Good morning or good afternoon is not a marriage proposal! Sounds like to me that you’ve been hurt or disappointed by someone in the past and need to get over it. All women are not out to get you I promise. You just have to find your match.
- Your expectations seem to be specific. Don’t limit yourself. But 41 and spending all your time playing video games is not going to fill the void and loneliness sweetie. Even if you are shy you can overcome that with a simple smile and hello. If they don’t say hello back so what! Have fun with it. A friendly smile and being around people will help a lot. You sound like a fine man and a catch for the right person, but you have to want to be caught first. There are clubs and networking meetings everywhere. Join one that interests you. Library, Book Club, Theater even computer geeks have a networking social now. The point is, your ready. You cant find someone you have things in common with if you don’t get out there. Whatever it is you like to do find a group that is doing that and join it.
- My daughter found her true love at a coffee shop where she went to have coffee and work on her lap top every day after work Thank God! She was only 33 at the time with no kids by the way. So see? You don’t have to be a Don Juan or anything other than who you are but you do have to get out there. Start smiling and saying hello or good morning all day every day Get yourself out of that apartment and do something ! One day you’ll smile and say hello and she’ll smile back . Then you will know where to go from there. If not sweetie, you have my e-mail. I’ll be glad to walk you through saying could we do lunch !! LOL.
Daniel Brenton says
Mama –
Good points, all. I married a ready-made family in my 30s, and lived to tell about it, so I could think of worse things.
Mr. _____: let me suggest Toastmasters. It gives you a chance to stare down the fright of speaking in front of people, and the more comfortable you get with that, the better a communicator you will be, with all kinds of people. Even women.
http://www.toastmasters.org
Lots of great folks in Toastmasters too, BTW.
All the best,
– Daniel
at 11:43 pm on July 1, 2009.