I am the father of 5 beautiful children. I was a successful business man for many years. A few years ago I was in an accident and became disabled. At that time my wife of 10 years had not worked since our first child. She was I thought gracious in going back to work while I became Mr Mom during my recovery. It was a year before I was able to return to working to support my wife and children but in that time my wife had met someone on her job at the bank and started an affair.
We have gone to counseling and I thought it was all over. I recently discovered that her affair never ended and now she is pregnant for him . She says the child is mine and she is sorry but we have not been intimate in some time. If this is my child, then I am wondering why when I asked her to move out while I clear my head, did she move in with her boyfriend when her mother is right across town.
Everyone tells me to wake up and divorce her and forget her. I have my children and she visits them occasionally. I know I have been blind for many years but I have loved this woman with all my heart for all of them. I have taken her back twice for this same affair but now even my little 8 year old says “Dad no more!” I know it’s time to move on but I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who wants a man with 5 kids. I’m not sure I’m ready to be alone or that I can raise these children alone.
If this child is not mine I have decided to divorce her. But if it is, what then? How do I also take care of a newborn without a mom? I am my company’s problem solver. I look like the fool of the century. Your advice would be much appreciated. KB/T,WA
Answer: Dear KB,
My heart goes out to you sweetie. I have a friend who recently experienced some of the same issues. First let me say that you my friend, are not the fool so get over that. You are a wonderful father in that, you have kept them and their well being first in your life. The fact that you were blind to what was going on is only that you were in love with the mother of your children. Those who will criticize you for that are wrong.
That being said, it is time for you to get through your mourning process and do what you need to do to end this madness for the kid’s sake. It is not time to look for another woman or to hate your wife. It is time to look realistically at this whole situation from a different perspective. You were quick to get a marriage counselor but did you know that getting one for yourself, is one of the best things you can do for your self and children? You didn’t cause this madness but you are responsible for stopping it. You are worth the same consideration you gave your failing marriage
You are obviously not ready for the whole divorce thing so let me make some suggestions. I suggest that you get a legal separation with a court order request for a paternity test. This will give you the time to process all that has happened and wait to see if this other child is yours. Make no long term decisions until then and meanwhile invest in yourself with some counseling. Your children may also benefit from the same. I strongly suggest that you have absolutely no contact with your wife for this period of time. Darlin’ you really need a total separation from her for you to get clear on where you are and what you want. Have her visit the children in a mutual place like parents so you do not have to have contact with her. It is very important that you and she have the time apart to get through the ocean of emotions that will hit you in the days to come.
Lastly my dear friend, make no decisions yay or nay until you have spent some time alone. Get to know yourself and love that person. You are a phenomenal person and you need to know that. As far as finding a woman who will love you and your family, I assure you there are many of them out there who would love to have such a hero as yourself. You are a hero. To your family right now you have to be their hero and take care of your emotional health. Mama has officially declared you Superman. Just stay away from the Cryptonite until you get your strength back. Am sending you my suggestions for counselors and a follow-up link. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance. You are a HERO and YOU CAN DO THIS! LOVE and HUGS)) Mama Capps
Posted at: 1:44 am
Written By : MamaCapps
No Comments are recieved for this post - "“Dad , no more!” (Affairs)"
